The last day of class

Today we held class at Boulders bar and grill, I made sure not to eat anything just so I could enjoy my last supper with my fellow classmates. I ordered the Arizona something burger, it wasn't actually called the Arizona something burger, I just forgot the name of it. Anyhow, the burger was delicious, until I actually finished it, then regret and a bad stomach set in. I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson, I should have learned my lesson when ordering the milk shakes at smash-burger with Thad. After my "pleasant" meal, we discussed what we thought existentialism meant, my definition went something like this; A way of perceiving the world that emphasizes the uniqueness and loneliness of an individual's experience in a cold, and uncaring world. I probably should have added in something about taking ownership. We then went on to discuss what we got from the class, and to be fairly honest, what I got from the class seemed to differ from everyone else. After 25 days of class, (22 days since I missed 3), I realized it is a gift and a curse to have this level of consciousness, awareness, and understanding on your own actions, and decisions. I enjoy analyzing every situation, and asking why or how, or what if, but sometimes, even the smartest of people need to put aside the questions, and just smell the roses. It is important to appreciate every moment and everyone, especially since today's world is slowly losing its sense of togetherness and love. I love you class, and I love you Thad!

Monday Aug 12

Today we talked about facticity, transcendence, and the judgement of others. The question of the day was would people rather live through path A or path B. One of the paths lives by the "truth" in a sense or in other words it tries to find a balance between facticity, transcendence, and others judgements, while the other is immersing oneself in deception to be happy. I believe most of us are living in bad faith, but I believe path A is a journey to path B. Since there is no way of knowing what objective truth is when it comes to meaning of life, for all we know, any meaning that we find in our lives could just be another deception, illusion or justification. With that being said, I believe we all live in path A, until we take ownership, find why or what we live for, and eventually transcend to path B. Whether it is deception, or not, doesn't matter, what matters is that we believe we've found a meaning, or an answer to life, and we begin to live happily, free from the judgement of others.

Friday the 13th, not really though, Friday the 9th

Today talked about facticity and transcendence. I tend to live heavy on the transcendence side, because I'm a dreamer, I always think set expectations, and want things over night, when in reality (facticity) this is not how it works. I admitted today that I was practicing bad faith. We had two example, the guilty homosexual, and the woman on a date. Both of these people were practicing bad faith, they were both aware and unaware that they are free. One was heavy on the facticity and the other on transcendence, but both people lacked having both facticity and transcendence. Both the guilty homosexual and the lady on a date had a separation between facticity and transcendence that led them to their demise, and ultimately to living a life of bad faith.

Emotion

I too, like Sartre, agree that emotions can be controlled. Although, before they can be controlled the specific individual must first take ownership of his/her actions. Only after this can one really start to see some kind of control over their own emotions. First we need to look at why or how emotions are released, if we speak literally, then, it is a chemical reaction in the mind and that RELEASE can not be controlled, we do not possess that sixth sense that would allow us to consciously release a certain chemical in our brain when we want to; but what IS controlled is our perspective, or perhaps, how we CHOOSE to see the world. How we see the world is OUR choice. Many will argue that how we see the world is the end result of a human experience and that we have no control over what we get out of each experience. My argument, assuming we have no control over the result of our experiences, states that even if we have no control over the end result of each experience, this is irrelevant in respect to emotion, it is only relevant if we were arguing if we could choose which perspectives we could or could not gain at any given time. So, to put this all together, human experiences, even if not controlled, lead to perspectives or views on the world, these views can be changed at any given time when reflected upon; so if different emotions are released based on how we view the world and if how we view the world is in our control then we can control our emotions by controlling how we view the world.

When one looks at an object does one first feel emotion and then conclude that this is a certain object, or does one first consciously acknowledge the object, and then based on what view one has on the object, a emotion is released.

Lets take a look at Thad's example, when he puts the essay assignment on the board, we didn't all look at it and feel something, we had to first understand what the sentence meant, and then subconsciously, based on our current views or standing in the class, we then felt a certain emotion.

One justifies the other, and the other works for both sides.

I always believed that essence preceded existence, but after experiencing some of the things I have gone through, I truly agree with Sartre. Existence precedes essence. The problem I have with essence preceding existence is that it can easily be used as a justification to any wrong decision made, it allows the person who is making a decision to dodge its consequence and to ultimately avoid taking responsibility. I believe essence preceding existence is used to justify any negative outcome of existence preceding essence. Therefore, I believe the way one should live, (regardless of what they believe), is believing that existence precedes essence, because it works for both sides, even if one believes that essence precedes existence they should still live life in the mannerisms that are produced by existence preceding essence. Then there is no need to justify, one can credit his/her good life to either belief. Whereas if one lives life believing essence precedes existence, I believe they will be prone to giving into sin.

Fantasy vs Reality

Adventure has taken a backseat to cheap pleasure. As much as I want to talk about today's discussion, I have so much emotion built up. We as a society are so plugged into technology, it has dehumanized us. As human beings we are meant to express, but instead, we choose to text message or to instant message over social networking sites, the problem this brings up is that it creates a certain sense of deception, people now have the time to think about their answers rather then going with how they feel at that very moment, people can also lie much easier, put up fronts, this all takes away from the a certain realness that I believe we humans crave deep down. This is an example I tend to use a lot, and it's a simple question, "what happened to walking into that local coffee shop, and catching eyes with that one person, and just knowing, I want to be friends or more with this person?" These interactions are very rare if not non-existent, we have lose a sense of togetherness, a sense of community, we have lost our ability to express to one another, I am just so confused to how anyone can justify this and move on with their life.

My life has killed a dream I dreamed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjDojEOiMcE - Great song, check it out.

The first day of class I told everyone how I felt, after that something happened, I just wasn't me, I started to live in the moment, not care, and get sucked into technology --- I became the person that I so dearly despise --- for some reason tonight I am back to how I was the first day of class, and I feel so alive but so alone. I just don't get how reality can be this cold, how can be it be this simple? Where is that girl you bump into accidentally that eventually leads to a great friendship or love, where is that best friend that is there for you no matter what? Where is the meaning? Where is the magic in this world? Where are the moments that create connections, that create bonds, that create love and make it stronger? I need something more than this, I need something to fill this void.

Not all who wander are lost

I have so much emotion built up deep inside me, but there is NOTHING to do in the Phoenix area to bring it out and let it out. Where is the adventure in the world? Where is the love? I need to get out of Phoenix.

Friday August 2nd

Today we discussed Death in Martin Heidegger's Being and Time. I believe Heidegger was talking about accepting the possibility of Death. Death is certain and once one accepts that in his/her life they will be one step closer to the authentic life. Heidegger said it himself, anticipation does not wait for death, rather, it mobilizes mortality. Once one accepts death, they can live life at it's fullest, they have more care toward everything that at point was being taken for granted. The people who accept the possibility of death also separate themselves from the herd, Heidegger mentions that death is personal, and when one dies no one goes with them, no one experiences what the dying experience in that single moment, death is a personal experience that one experiences alone, death separates one's self from everyone else.

"Once one has grasped the finitude of one's existence, it snatches one back from the endless multiplicity of possibilities which offer themselves as closest to one—those of comfortableness, shirking and taking things lightly—and brings Dasein to the simplicity of its fate. This is how we designate Dasein's primordial historizing, which lies in authentic resoluteness and in which Dasein hands itself down to itself, free for death, in a possibility which it has inherited and yet has chosen” (Being and Time 74: 435)

Thursday August 1st

Today we discussed more of Heidegger's Being and Time. This morning's question was if we agreed with Heidegger that we are all thrown into the world. I believe we are, and I believe the very phrase that is so true, that we have all heard, proves this exact thing. (I'm paraphrasing) Life moves on, if you're sad or mad or happy the world doesn't stop until you're better or over it, it just continues on. I believe we have been thrown into this world because we all live in the same world, the only thing different is how we see or accept the world based on OUR emotions and experiences/perspectives, in other words, the world does not need us to exist. In a sense, I believe the world is the constant in the equation of life. In a sense, the world does not adapt to us, but it is us that must adapt to the world.

Wednesday July 31st

Today we watched as Solomon gave a lecture on Heidegger's Being and Time. I found it spot on with my current beliefs and current philosophy. I really liked how he said that Earth no longer feels like home to human beings and it is the advances and abundance in technology that makes that happen. This material gave me a lot of motivation to pick up the book and read. I really liked this material, I do believe we are living in a world that lacks a sense of togetherness, and love. I believe the main reason this is, is because of technology. Technology has taken away moments from us that create bonds, bonds that strengthen relationships, and these moments are slowly disappearing, technology takes away from human interaction, and replaces it with something superficial. As human beings we're meant to express, we're meant to adventure, and we're meant to appreciate every moment with one another.

From Being and Time

"The ‘external world’ sceptic feels an abyss to open up between
herself and the world, a sense of its insignificance or nothingness;
she experiences a hollow at the heart of reality, and a sense of herself
as not at home in the world. The ‘other minds’ sceptic feels an abyss
to open up between herself and others, as if their thoughts and feelings were withdrawing unknowably behind their flesh and blood,
as if she truly were confronted by hollowed out bodies, mere matter
in motion; she experiences herself as alone in the world."

Tuesday July 30th

Existentialism has allowed us to explore and understand that psychological and emotional depth/knowledge come at a great price, and that price is loneliness. Unfortunately, we live in a society where everyone is plugged into technology, this technology has dehumanized us, as human beings we're meant to express ourselves and constantly feel emotion. We live in a superficial society, a society that lacks a sense of togetherness, community, and love. We're meant to share real moments, moments that create bonds, that strengthen relationships, and now those moments are non existent. Before you read this, ask yourself; What happened to walking into that coffee shop and catching eyes with that guy or girl and just knowing you have to have that person in your life? Where is the magic? Where is the adventure? Heidegger explains this exactly what makes Earth not feel like home.

Friday, July 26th

Today I had a crazy dream and very intense mind set, I was very emotionally in-tune, and felt so many things, my mind was like having 2000 tabs open on Internet Explorer. Working the previous night didn't help either, I got off work at 4am and got to bed at 5am, it was a very weird day, my job really holds me back and messes me up, but I have to pay rent somehow, I guess this is reality. I really liked this week's reading, it really helped me gain a different perspective on my currently held views, I hope next week's readings are just as interesting and open up all of our minds. This classroom environment is amazing, and the people in the class are very smart, I am looking forward to Monday's class.

Thursday July 25th

Today we continued our discussion on Nietzsche, I believe there are days I have multiple personalities, and one of my personalities is the slave, and the other personality is the master.  I believe this very structure that Nietzsche implements in his writings is exactly how modern day America works, 97% of America is fine with the mediocre job, mediocre car, and the mediocre house, regardless of if they are happy with where they are or not, they will find a way to justify it and move on, where as the master mentality is exactly opposite, no matter how powerful, no matter how wealthy, or successful, there is no end to it, they keep pushing, enough is never enough. My first question is, who is happier, the people with the slave mentality, or the people with the master mentality? My second question is, which is living behind illusion the most?

Wednesday July 24th

Today we continued our conversation on the good and bad vs the good and evil. I believe the sole difference on the good and bad is that the good in this comparison is the choice to make a good or bad decision, something that anyone can do, even an evil person. I believe the good in the comparison of good and evil is something that one is born with, it is the basic natural instinct of the human being. I believe Nietzsche's example of the bird and the sheep proves this. If the bird kills the sheep to survive the killing is justified and the bird is not evil or bad, but if the bird just kills the sheep for the sake of killing it then I believe this is evil. Another great point is brought up, he states that the sheep will ALWAYS view the bird as bad, because in the eyes of the sheep the bird is killing the innocent good sheep, this shows that good, bad, and good, evil is all a matter of perspective.

Tuesday July 23rd

Today's topic was nietzche's gay science. I think what he was trying to say was that a new age of science was being introduced, and that it was replacing religion. The herd only follows, it is the leader that makes the transition, and that is the madman's job. I believe that in order for science to fully replace religion people must rethink their morality, but to rethink one's morality is to let go of one's humanity. I believe this explains how people's ideas and perspectives change, it takes a leader to guide them out of simple though and to expand their minds. During this time period a new way of understanding the world was coming, and this new understanding would free people, it would allow them to do and be whatever they wanted rather than being a slave to their current beliefs. The madman's job was to guide them out.

Monday July, 22

Monday was a good class discussion, we talked about what Clamence and Kierkegaard would say to each other if they ever ran into one another. I believe they would be stubborn and would never actually come up with any conclusion to whose right or wrong. I thought this was a very interesting topic to bring up, and I thought it created a great atmosphere for conversation, especially when Hessy and Joe went at it. Everyday it gets harder and harder to involve myself, mainly because, right now I'm going through a rough patch and can't seem to connect with my emotional side, I seem to be living in the moment and dealing with my emotions as they come rather than analyzing and preparing for them before hand. I know being manic sounds a lot better than being down and depressed, but truth is, when I'm down and depressed I find myself having more emotional depth, I am more susceptible to certain truths that I am blinded by when I am in a frenzied and excited mood (manic).

Friday July, 19th.

Today I got out of the hospital. For my second time this year I hit a fever of 105.5 degrees. I was delusional and had insane visuals. Life is so short, one day you think you know it all, the next day something drastic happens and from basic instinct you're forced to change your views, your perspective just so you can justify what has happened and move on. I know nothing, all I can do is try my best. For years I have wondered why, why do I do what I do at school, what am I trying to do in life. What happened to that special group of friends that love each other unconditionally, and instead of going out to drink at bars, they go into grandmother's basement and conduct experiments that will one day change the world. What happened to catching eyes with that special person in your life in the coffee shop or out on a bike ride, where is that passion, ambition and motivation? Where is the unknown. This life that I am living, it's too cold, it's too empty, I need to find the magic in this world. I need to find that cave deep in the uncharted forests in the world that lead me to that one single moment of happiness, that one single moment of losing myself.

"Not all who wander are lost"

Thursday July 18th

I like to experience things. I like to put myself on the highest of mountains, and dive into the deepest of hells. I think all we have on this cold, cruel planet is perspective. When I took this class I was in a dark place, and I was ready to talk, I'm not sure if any of you remember the first day of class when I explained how I felt about this world, and the life I live. Unfortunately, I am not in the same mindset, I don't even remember how I felt or who i was that day and it makes me so sad. I am currently in this frenzied state of mind, and I feel so brainless, my thoughts are clouded, my mind is clouded, I can't give a good argument. I am not in the mindset I want to be, and this happens to me every 4-6 months. I wake up with new taste, new clothing choices, new food, new hobbies, new friends, and even though I can see something is changing intuitively, even though I understand what is changing and I can write it down on this blog post, I cannot change the positive and negative emotions that come with those changes. I don't know who I am, I don't know what are lies or what is truth anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it'd be nice to have a mentor right about now.

Monday July 15th

Clamence is a smart being, he understands "it". By "it" I mean he understands the fundamentals and mechanics of how people are. He knows what to say, when to say it, how to say it, he knows your own weakness when you do not even know it yourself. Who is Clamence? What is Clamence? Understanding "it" comes at a great price, and that price is sanity. While reading I couldn't help but wonder if is he my leader; is he in this text to lead me to the answers to my questions, or is it all another lie, perhaps the lie is what teaches me and guides me to the truth. Clamence is able to do this, because he has a great understanding of himself. In a sense, he knows, because he's experienced.

Thursday July 11th

Today, I finally spoke up and went from Tier 1 to Tier 2 to Tier 3 in a matter of minutes. People didn’t seem to agree with me that we needed some sort of accepted foundation of what counts as reality and what does not, in other words, what we know as real and what has enough doubt worth speculating. No one wanted this and I believe that’s because people can’t settle with it being this simple, this cold. They want an answer, but they don’t want the real answer, they want the answer they’ve already come up with in their mind. Everyone here thinks they’re different, and that is a human beings downfall. All I proposed was what G.E. Moore proposed, we need not look at the hand and question whether this is a hand, we need to accept that this is a hand and move on toward the implications of the hand; what the hand can do to create, fix, or accomplish any task. Without this we will never get anywhere in this class, so far we’ve only questioned, we've created at least 1000 hypotheticals but have not taken one to its end. I find this desperate, and unrealistic.

“There are some people, who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.”

Foundation and Grounds

People who don't want to hear the answers they want to hear, just keep creating more and more hypothetical until they hear what they want to hear. We need to ask one question, explore it fully, and get the best answer possible before moving forward to the next. The thing is, existentialism has very few, if not, no right or wrong answers. With this being said, I believe we need to take it slow, answer each question as it comes up and by doing this we'll have some sort of grounds or foundation to answer the following question. We keep answering each different question with a different set of ground rules. I don't see how anything will ever be figured out or agreed upon. I am looking forward to this class, everyone seems to be on a good wave length, and everyone seems eager to answer questions they may have had for long time. I really enjoy the structure of this class and I believe, especially at our age, these are the classes we need. School and making something of yourself in this cruel and cold world is already stressful enough, but going to class like a machine and not having the luxury of connecting to classmates or to the professor makes things a lot worse. This is why I'm very optimistic about the impact this class will have on me and others. I really do appreciate it.

Tuesday July 9th

Today we talked about passion, emotion, and rationality from the story, “The Stranger”. I believe Mersault lived life, he was not cursed with the level of consciousness that most of us have. The problem is only very few live anymore. People are constantly setting high expectations for each situation and they’re always let down and by the time they realize their expectation didn't matter, and that it was the appreciation of the moment that is important, the moment is gone and sadness sets in. We think too much, we don’t do. Assuming we are psychopaths, we need to act more on passion rather than over thinking a situation. I believe the reason this is very rare is because of the technological age that we are living in. We now have the time to think, prepare, and plan on what we're going to say when someone texts, or instant messages us. This creates a lot of problems, first, it creates a very distant and cold relationship between the two people, and secondly, it allows for people to lie about their true feelings much easier. I really believe if we lived in a world where people did more "doing" than talking, we'd live in a happier time.

Wednesday July 3rd

Today we sat down and introduced ourselves to each other. I thought this exercise was great especially since now days it feels like we've lost that sense of togetherness and community. As each person told me about themselves I felt a connection slowly build up from the ground, by the time we got to the last person this connection was everywhere, it filled the room and it was in that single moment that I realized we were all now ready to really begin this class. This how class should be, it allows us to connect to people and the professor, this enables us to learn more and to establish a connection that is very important in life. We live in a time where moments like these are a rarity, and I believe we need to make the best of it. Everyone here seems to have a front including myself, but deep down I know we're all broken in one way or another. Hopefully we can build an even stronger connection, and ultimately help heal each other's wounds.